We started off Sydney right by visiting the famous Bondi Beach. It was beautiful. Well, I should confess that we didn’t really go onto the beach itself, we just kind of looked at it from the top of the hill nearby. We had taken the bus to get there, and we disembarked just beside the beach. Going all the way down to the sand would have been the end of our tour – once kids touch sand, there’s no moving from there. That’s it. An afternoon of them digging in sand. So we snapped some photos and shooshed them along. Our goal for the day was to do the Bondi to Coogee coastal walk.
We started up the trail, surrounded by shirtless joggers and dog walkers. We were seriously overdressed and frumpy by comparison. I know there’s the whole no-ozone thing in Australia, but that seems to just be a convenient excuse for explaining away all the skin cancer there. Really, Australia, put on some clothes. You’re as bad as smokers who smoke and then blame the cigarettes for cancer instead of the habit. I’ve never seen so many white-turned-brown people in my life. There was one old dude lying on the beach in a speedo – he was so sun-cooked, he looked tanned. I don’t mean tanned, like he has a healthy glow, but tanned like leather – like he was wearing an old man skin costume made out of used cowboy boots. Now that I think about it, he very well may have been dead and just lying there cooking the sun for a few days without anyone noticing.
The walk was beautiful, though. The ocean was a lovely dark turquoise colour that I’ve never seen before – too bright to be the Atlantic but too dark to be tropical. The waves were pretty rough, another reason not to visit the beaches themselves, but it looked like a good day for surfing. We stopped for a while to watch them. I like watching surfers – it’s like a little game, trying to guess what percentage of them will get tipped over or not get up on their boards at all. The answer is, pretty much all of them, all the time. Really, what a horrible sport, it’s like a never-ending exhausting fight against mother nature: You spend 86% of your time trying to swim to the sweet spot, 10% underneath waves, 3.5% drowning, and a fleeting but joyous 0.5% actually standing on your board.
After the surfers, we wandered through the old Waverley Cemetery. I like old cemeteries too. This one was cool, because the rows of graves were chronologically filled. It was also so huge that we only managed to make it through 1876.
Alas, we didn’t get all the way to Coogee. The kids conked out around Bronte, so we hopped on a bus to take us home!
Here is my narration of my Dad trying to take photographs of the family. Yeah, it’s basically impossible, resulting in this series of hilarious and unflattering images that are pretty much unshareable with our family and friends. So, here you go internet, enjoy!